Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in Mess' LiveJournal:

Sunday, June 22nd, 2003
12:04 am	grrrrrrrrr I hate my job i hate my job i hate my job i hate my job (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 20th, 2003
12:19 pm	here kitty omg i want a kitten so bad..but since i lost so many kitties its to tragic to get one at this point.i miss my dad..i can't even call him i guess i hate confrontations .shawn is so kute awww he looks like a musical tamale all wrapped in a keyboard blanket..me i'm still a mess..my hair is all sticking up.. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: ambient sounds of shawn snoring (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 18th, 2003
2:01 am	zzzzzzzzzz yay its my friday..gonna work on music tomorrow i can't wait..I got home and shawn was like a lil kid on christmas drugs ..he was like come hear mah tune come on come on ...can't wait till he finishes his OMJ track ... can't wait till i finish my hey dva track and my soundz of yellow..almost there. well gotta go <3 meontology sends G some positive energy bzzzzzz zap (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 14th, 2003
12:39 am	hmmm Hey shawn ..Computers are your friend..just remember that..Thanks for putting up with me wanting to see dumb and dumberer ..but hey we had fun..friday nights suck for me ..it just means i'm hours closer to going back to work icky..<3 meontology Current Mood: artistic Current Music: just got done making tunes (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
3:46 pm	here kitty kitty Today i felt pretty motivated ..okay everyone clap for me..i had put my first application out so wish me luck..:-) i got up and made an eye appointment..damn i really need glasses and contacts..make me look like a synth geek gurl aww aww..mommy kitty moved her babies..i was nervous kuz she left her babies in the room crying and he is no where around and they look so hungry ..so i have been trying to feed them myself..uhhh with a suringe...not me hehe..its really hot here i have a headache..and have been sitting here crying..but its over due..i think i feel much better...but i'm not sure how i feel just pretty numb...someone give me a big fattie i could use one..:-0--~~~ Current Mood: depressed Current Music: cranberries..and some U2 drinking some guinnes (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 21st, 2001
1:39 am	just another day i hated today..i'm so tired of watching jorge destroy things beating the shit out of my closet..and cursing all day ..i did nothing i don't know what is wrong with him...i wanted to tell him that i hate him..but could not do it..i just walked off ..i know i will leave him soon i'm unstable right now..he did this to me..i have no fear of him ..just alot of built up hate..tonight i will let his sleep alone...its his own fault..i was vaccuing today ..he did not like the way i vacumed..so he decided to go over it himself after i told him the fucking vacum is broken..once again i hear him kicking the shit out of it..better the vacum then me...today i was with my brother in laws friends..i hated being there no one to talk to me..thank gawd for web browse on cell phones...i went for a walk with jorge..he told me about future plans with my music ..i would not look at him..i knew he was trying to trap me once again like trying to make up his way of saying i'm sorry ...errr let me buy you some more gear..yeah thats it...right now i stare at my keyboards..they did not talk to me today...for some reason i was better off just sleeping..but i can't time is too short... (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 19th, 2001
4:40 pm	sighs... Today i bought a new stereo for my car i really needed one ..i figured i will be in my car alot more since my damn air conditioner died..i took Jorge with me ..of course he was not kewl with the idea untill i showed him i was not buying a 700.00 stereo with MP3 player for my car..so got it installed..and when i was ready to leave i was totally boxed in one car on the right one on the left and one parked right behind me...I asked Jorge for help to be my eyes i figured that i would beable to manipulate the vehicle...there was this nice guy helping me back up since it was a very very tight squeeze...next thing i know Jorge was yelling the directions at me instead of just telling me them..he started to lose his patients with me..next thing i know i had decked Jorge right in the Ribs and he started to punch me..in the Arm he told me if i did not stop he was going to beat the shit out of me right then and there..so i stoped and told him to fuck off..all the customers were watching this..i felt so bad..i was almost crying but held it back..drove off and went home..i told him i was sorry..the thing is i really wasn't i just did not want to pursue all this anger anymore i was trying to be a peace maker once more..But it did not happen..We are not talking anymore he won't even look at me..I hate this ..Mo showed up..Something told her to come over..Very strange she knew nothing about this yet and looked at me..i can't hide my feelings from her she can read me like a book..we had a long talk over some Beer at a local cafe..I decided to start paking my things discretly..i should be all moved out in the next few months after i get a job..If you ever have seen the Movie War of the roses .then you would see my life ..I know If i stay..One of us will go crazy and end up killing each other ...Time to move on its not worth all of this anymore...I need happy thoughts today..someone send me positive energy ..Pleaseeeee Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Never Records Compilation CD..LOA party freaks dance opera 2 (Comment on this)
Friday, May 18th, 2001
10:39 am	tired and i can't sleep last night i did an all nighter first time in a long time..sorry i did not respond much in IMS i was to busy being an ass hole to people..I found the perfect room for the moment ..everyone wanted to rip out my throat...i got to the point i had to click and ignore most of the room ..i told everyone to get inline take a fucking number...but i felt much better though i only had 3 hours of sleep..i'm in such a fog..can't stop thinking about my past life ..sometimes i'm scared to sleep i have been for years..its not right i have been cursed some how...ever since i was a little kid... dream traveler i will always be...yesterday i was soooo happy...i talked to mah father told him i was coming home soon...my mom cried on the phone...i don't get it..she hated me all my life ..but now she can't live without me why do people change when they get old ...i think she has a fear of dying alone...i just wish i had it in the heart to forgive her for the things she has done to me..yesterday my friend Mo cried ..i felt so bad ..i just want her to understand that i love Shawn ..but this time she knew it was right...i hope her interpretations were right.. i hope that my life and his life will give me closer some how i can't wait to meet him ..my soulmate... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 6th, 2001
11:13 pm	muhhh feet hurt work sucked again today ..my feet hurt and i want to quit so bad but i need the money so i can pay my bills ..my kitty is pregnant again ...fuckkk ...so i'm going to take her to the vet ..and hopefully they can abort the kittens..:::cries:::i miss my music i have no time for it ..and i hate when i'm in this creativity mode and can't do a thing about it...i had a dream about floods its my 20th one in 6 months ...i feel like someone close to me is going to die but i don't know who..this time i met my father and was sitting next to them at a mall with my cell phone talking to him but the weird thing is why am i talking to him on my phone when we are next to each other..and then the floods came and the rains and i'm walking in tidal waves ...i don't get it..but hopefully it will soon end... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 5th, 2001
12:29 am	Blahhh work was pretty bad today..i really hate retail .. but soon to be out of work after 4 years of hell.. All my jobs have gone under i'm starting to have a serious complex..but hopefully something good will come out of it..today i feel so fat..i had ice cream and italian eggplant..i thought i was going to vomit..::cries:::i think with all the stress i have been going under i can hardly eat...but the thing is i should be so happy and i'm not..the other day i took out a bank loan...yay...bought me some grocerys .i bet your thinking big F***ing deal..but owning a fridge with pickles ketchup and orange juice is not very exciting..well gotta sleep soon and its raining ..i love rain..!!! Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: vast (2 Comments |Comment on this)